I haven’t written in a long while, not publicly, at least. I have a lot to say, so I’m just gonna do what I do when I’m not sure where to start and make a list.
Also, there is a fly in my house and it is really pissing me off.
When someone tells you that they are evil, they are telling the truth. Believe them. That’s the only time they will ever tell the truth. You can go ahead and assume that everything else that comes out of their mouth is probably a lie or an attempt to manipulate you. You are not going to make them less evil because you’re so awesome. It just doesn’t work that way. They will always be evil, and you will always be awesome. You might forget that for a minute, but trust me, you still are. I forgot for a minute (I know this is probably hard for some of you to believe). But I know that I still am. The only thing I’m sorry for is that I temporarily restricted the awesome to only one person, who didn’t deserve it. Beware, folks! I have so much awesome to make up for! You’re in for it!
I got a tattoo on my wrist that says “Let Go” long before I knew what it was going to end up meaning. That’s sometimes the way with tattoos. And life. I’ll end up having to let go of something else eventually, and that meaning will change. Letting go is important. It is just as important as holding close.
I’ve been on a ton of adventures over the course of the last year and my adventure partner was a great adventure partner. I can miss that and mourn the loss of that while still understanding that it was a mistake to trust my heart to such a person (see #1). That’s what being human is all about, I think. I think it’s all a great shame, but I think it’s important that I’m able to grieve and forgive rather than hold on to anger and resentment. Because I still am who I am. That’s the very best part. I had adventures, and I gave love. My heart is bigger today than it was a year ago, and now there is more love to give. Yay.
I have a possibly unnatural interest in watching paranormal investigation tv shows. They’re all so stupid. I fucking love them, mostly because I am pretty sure the people in them really fucking believe what they are doing is really happening. Maybe it is really happening. I’d probably shit my pants if I heard a voice from beyond or saw a ghost.
Tito’s Vodka should probably start paying ME. Today at the grocery store, the checkout woman, who was full of bliss for having something else to talk about other than listen to the absolutely endless yammering of the kid doing the bagging in her aisle, said “People keep telling me that I should try Tito’s” as she ran my bottle over the scanner and I gave that yammering bagger a run for his running mouth. Not kidding. I was in that line for like 15 minutes and he did not stop talking once. Tito’s, soda, splash of cran. That’s the key to my heart. Depending on how many I’ve had, also my pants, but that’s another story.
I am an expert on cream cheese-based dips. I feel like I could make a television show, or a restaurant, based upon my skills with cream cheese and basically any other edible foodstuffs. My tombstone should probably read “She knew what to do with a block of cream cheese.” Think about coming across that inscription 50 years from now while wandering a cemetery.
THIS FUCKING FLY WILL NOT DIE.
There was a time when I was willing to pay, what is it, like $8.99 for a bag of fresh tortilla chips at Whole Foods. Then I learned that taking a $0.39 stack of corn tortillas and a few pennies worth of canola oil and some sweaty action at the stove created a bowl full of greasy, salty beauty. Now Jewel sells bags of store-fried tortilla chips for $2.99. Guess what I’m dipping into my cream cheese-based dip right now? Hint: My stovetop is grease-free.
Jewel chicken wings are awesome.
I only kept going because I felt like I should get to 10.