I don’t even know where to start. I was all fired up when I sat down at the computer and now I’ve been sitting here and I’m halfway through my cocktail and all I’ve done is type sentences and erase them. I just don’t know where to start.
I’m going to start with a terrible thought. A thought that I’m more than a little ashamed that I’ve had, and haven’t wanted to say out loud and as soon as it pops into my head, I try to erase it. If you’re like me and most other human beings, sometimes some terrible thoughts come into your head, and especially if you’re a privileged white woman, as I am, you feel all guilty and ashamed for having them. But I don’t want to make excuses for this thought, which is a very racist thought. I’ve had it, I can’t get it out of my head, and I need to take responsibility for it and try to sort through why I’m having it. I really need to sort through why I’m having it, because it’s terrible, and I beg your indulgence and patience while I give it a shot. It’s not good, and I’m not sure I’m going to sort it out by the end of this.
It was easier to get the black guy elected than it is the white woman, and getting him elected was the horrifying shitshow precursor to this current horrifying shitshow. It was easier to get the black guy with very nominal experience in government, who is super-awesome at public speaking (and who has turned out to be a totally phenomenal President, as should have been fucking obvious from the start), elected than it is getting the ridiculously experienced and prepared white woman elected. Hint: PENIS.
Newsflash: The United States has a serious racism problem. This country has been systemically battering down African Americans since we dragged them to these shores. We’ve been poisoning them, marginalizing them, keeping them poor, attempting to prevent them from becoming educated, withholding the privileges that many of us take for granted, turning a blind eye while their desperation leads them to kill each other, literally sanctioning those who are charged with protecting ALL OF OUR communities to gun them down in the streets in violation of their civil and constitutional rights and just GENERAL HUMAN FUCKING DECENCY. GODDAMNIT. (I am not doing a good sorting-out job here. I am sorry.)
All that in the previous paragraph? A waste of my time to say. Because those of you who will nod and agree already know this terrible shit, and those of you who think none of it is true (or that they deserve it–you’re out there, I know you are. We see you now. You’re gonna wish you’d never come out of your racist little hole.) will just stop reading. But it has to be said and acknowledged and it has to fucking be fixed. Like, right now. Enough is enough. And we all have to help. We have to acknowledge it and we have to help. We have to shut down those who continue to perpetuate racism in this country, not just against African Americans, but against Latinos, and Muslims, and basically ALL THE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T WHITE. We have to protect freedom for all. We have to uphold our Constitution.
I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking to yourself, as I am, “Is the white, privileged, middle-aged woman complaining that the black people got their President before the white ladies?” Is she trying to say that sexism and misogyny is actually a bigger problem in this country than racism? Is she saying that every time she sees a sweet news story about African American kids wanting to touch President Obama’s hair because they want to believe that they can be the President someday, she feels left out because she grew up thinking only old white men could be President and now she finds out that also old black men can be President too, but WOMEN CAN NEVER BE THE PRESIDENT BECAUSE VAGINAS?
Boo fucking hoo, amiright? Is that what I’m saying? Is that what this thought that keeps coming into my head that I keep trying to beat down is all about?
Is it really because EMAILS? Is it really because her husband liked to put his dick where it didn’t belong (BECAUSE THAT IS NOT HER FUCKING FAULT YOU DUMBASSES). Is it because CLINTON FOUNDATION or because CHELSEA or because WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? Is it really just because she has a vagina? Really guys? Because vaginas are awesome. Is she a terrible person? I don’t think she’s a terrible person. She ain’t perfect, but she is not a terrible person.
Is it because she’s smarter than you? Do you just fucking HATE it when she sits there in a congressional hearing with a smug and bored look on her face like she’s thinking she has better things to do and she feels like she’s smarter than every dick in the room? That’s so annoying, right?
Guess what? SHE HAS BETTER THINGS TO DO AND SHE IS SMARTER THAN EVERY DICK IN THE ROOM. She is smarter than your dick. She is smarter than your brain. She is smarter and she knows more about how to run this country and TO FIX WHAT IS AILING US AND THAT’S IT, ISN’T IT? OH MY GOD.
YOU DON’T WANT IT FIXED.
You don’t want the mean lady coming in and fucking up all your privilege, am I right? Is it as simple as thinking that the woman can fix it when the men haven’t been able to and you don’t want that to happen? Because come on, guys! Donald Trump? I mean, it can’t be because you hate women more than you hate people of color, right? Like, you’ll take anything with a dick over the woman? (Please, please, let that not be it. That’s the thing. That’s the thing I’m afraid of. Is that what it is? Also, this did not come out the way I’d intended but there it is.)
You don’t want her to try to make it so cops can’t get away with violating the civil rights of minorities and with KILLING THEM BECAUSE BLACK GUY SCARY. You don’t want her doing anything to help the middle class or below (Pro tip to all y’all who think you’re that middle-class guy that Trump is speaking to: HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU. You are only middle class because AVERAGES and because you only went on food stamps just that one time.). You don’t want her to fix all the fucking loopholes that make it so people like Donald Trump, who IS RUNNING FOR THE HIGHEST OFFICE IN THE LAND WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THAT EVEN HAPPENING, can’t stand on a stage during a Presidential debate and smugly mutter that he just used what’s allowed by existing laws to get away with not paying any taxes, because they’d have been squandered anyway and no, he’s not going to release his tax returns. FUCK YOU DONALD TRUMP YOU PIECE OF SHIT. And while I’m at it, because VODKA, FUCK YOU everyone who wants to vote for this piece of shit. FUCK YOU.
Donald Trump is not going to do anything to fix what is wrong with the way the police are reacting to African Americans and other people of color. He is going to make stop-and-frisk the law of the land. Law and order, right? Isn’t that what he said? You know what he meant, though, right? Is that what you want, white people?
You don’t want another 4-8 years of upholding the progress that has been made to ensure the rights of LGBTQ folks. You want to dismantle it and push the people who scare you back into their closets. You assholes. They aren’t hurting you. Fuck you.
Stronger Together, friends. It’s super cool. That’s why we are here. That’s what this country is about. It really isn’t about WE ARE STRONG AND YOU ARE NOT, LITTLE GUY/GAL.
You don’t want diplomacy, uncomfortable diplomacy, in the Middle East, because you want to keep everybody scared like I was scared by USSR GONNA NUKE US HIDE UNDER YOUR DESKS when I was a kid.
You don’t want a woman to fix anything unless it involves a band-aid on your boo-boo and a plate of fresh cookies. Or your fucking dinner. Or a blow job. (Angry woman alert! In case it wasn’t obvious! I brought up blow jobs! I must be pissed!)
I’m not doing a good job of sorting this thought out for myself, let alone for you. I’m trying.
I am mad because more than a handful of people in this country (poll numbers? Dead even right before the debate, what the fuck is that? Who are you, 50% of this country? Why are you here? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?) think that a dim-witted sociopathic, narcissist shit-bag who can’t put words together in an order that makes sense and cannot take responsibility for his own proclamations and actions and is just generally a shitty, shitty guy I mean he denies things that can be proven via video and his own fucking tweets what the fuck is that? should lead this country! DO NOT SAY SHIT TO ME ABOUT BUSINESSMAN FUCK THAT. It didn’t work from Ross Perot, for fuck’s sake. THIS COUNTRY IS NOT A BUSINESS. It is a huge piece of land covered with buildings and beautiful country and art and music and PEOPLE who want and have every right to believe that America is a thing that is real and that it is for everyone. AND IT IS GODDAMNIT. America is for everyone. THAT’S THE POINT. That’s what the word means!
(I believe with all of my heart that the previous paragraph is correctly punctuated. Read it out loud if it seems confusing.)
Guess what, rich people? YOU WILL STILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. YOU WILL STILL HAVE MOST OF THE MONEY. But you don’t get to have all the rights. You don’t get to have all the happiness. You don’t get to have all of the education, all of the freedoms. You don’t get to have all the love.
Sharing is caring, friends. DO I NEED TO QUOTE YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS?
SO MANY CAPS. I’m exhausted.
I was at the Democratic Convention in 2008, covering it for Newsvine/MSNBC, and I cried in that huge stadium in Denver full of people who loved him and it was super emotional and amazing. I cried the first time that President Obama was elected, like every other liberal-leaning-but-the-conservatives-will-do-something-to-keep-my-money-in-my-pocket white woman. I’m going to prepare for election night by super-hydrating because the TEARS OH MY GOD THEY WILL FLOW. Either way, they will flow.
I could digress into asking you why it has to be a big fucking deal, in 2016, that we had a black guy for President and now we have a white woman nominated. Why is that a big fucking deal? We should be ashamed of ourselves for that being something we’re even thinking about. Yes, it’s great, but it should have happened a long time ago and it shouldn’t be something in our minds, just like it should not be in my mind that it’s harder to elect the white lady than it was to elect the black guy.
I guess I digressed anyway. I haven’t sorted shit out at all.
We are supposed to be thinking about who is the best person for the job of running this big, fucked-up country.
I’ve been accused, as probably all of the women I know who support Hillary, of only wanting to vote for her because she’s a woman. That, in itself, is a shitty and sexist dismissal of our support for her. I am not only voting for her because she’s a woman. I am voting for her because she is Hillary Clinton, and she is the best person for the job. She would be the best person for the job if it weren’t Trump running for the Republicans. She is experienced. She is smart as hell. I really like her. I am not voting for her because she’s a woman. I don’t want Jill Stein. I don’t want Elizabeth Warren (she’s so awesome though!). I want Hillary Clinton.
The proper response to “You’re only voting for her because she’s a woman” is “You’re only voting for Trump because he’s a man.”
And fuck you for that. Fuck you.